Some days love gets you down. Today was one of those days. As a twenty something single that sort of thing is inevitable, especially if you are me. So, every once in a while when love downs on this girls heart, I do one of two things: eat chocolate or escape in a chick flick. Today, for me, I went to the mattresses, with a movie that is. Surrounded myself with comfiness(a.k.a. a thousand pillows and a fuzzy blankie on my bed) and watched The Holiday. Perhaps it wasn't the greatest of ideas to watch it, but sometimes a movie just speaks exactly what you are feeling or have felt in the past and to hear someone else say it or go through it just makes it all better in some weird way. That's exactly what happened to me today at the very start of the movie when I heard this:
The Holiday Monolouge
written by Nancy Meyers
Iris: I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
The irony of it all is that I've watched this movie before. Today it just hit home because I've been there in a sense. But she's right you get over it. It just takes time.
I really love this quote: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
So true.
Despite todays "love downs", I am excited for what the future holds for me. I feel like it will be pretty amazing if I've gotten this far. A little waiting never hurt anyone. (Well ok, sometimes it does actually hurt ;) Despite all the waiting and the road bumps, I take great pride in knowing who I am, who I've become thus far and that I have the potential to become even better every day. One day. One step. One breath. One love, at a time.
